My grandfather in his heyday
Slept with all the dancers on a cot backstage
And when the show was over, you know what he’d do
He’d dip his wick in vodka when he was through

Dip your wick in vodka, when you are through
Dip your wick in vodka, that’s what you should do
Dip your wick in vodka, to prevent the dick flu
Dip your wick in vodka, now that’s a can do

When my mother taught me the birds and the bees
She said the clap will kill you son, it’s a painful disease
So don’t go down like Gaughan or Al Capone
Dip your wick in vodka, or don’t bring it home

Dip your wick in vodka, oo, ow
Dip your wick in vodka, it’s gonna sting down south
Dip your wick in vodka, oo, wee
Dip your wick in vodka, if it burns when you pee

Wadka...

Those old Russians were the first to distill
That crystal clear elixir that would become medicinil
But no iron curtain comrad will protect your junk
You’d better dip your wick in vodka so it won’t grow that funk

Now let’s say you’re on business trip
And you sleep with a gal who you suspect has the drip
Grab a mini Absolut from the mini fridge
And dip your mini wick in vodka and be rid of that bitch

Dip your wick in vodka, that’s what you should do
Dip your wick in vodka, when you are through
Dip your wick in vodka, to prevent the dick flu
Dip your wick in vodka, now that’s a can do

Dip your wick in vodka, oo, ow
Dip your wick in vodka, it’s gonna sting down south
Dip your wick in vodka, oo, wee
Dip your wick in vodka, if it burns when you pee

==========ALTERNATE LYRICS============

my mother taught me the birds and the bees
she said the clap'll kill ya son, it's a painful disease
so don't go down like gaughan or al capone
you better dip your sock in vodka, or don't bring it home

dip your sock in vodka, when you're through
dip your sock in vodka, that's what you should do
dip your sock in vodka to prevent the sick flu
dip your sock in vodka, that's a can-do!

those old russians were the first to distill
that crystal clear elyxir that would become medicinal
but no iron curtain, comrade, can protect your junk
you better dip your sock in vodka so it won't get that funk

now, let's say you're on a business trip
and you sleep with a gal who you suspect has the drip
grab a mini bottle from the mini fridge
and dip your mini sock in vodka and be rid of that bitch

dip your sock in vodka, ooooo, oooowwww
dip your sock in vodka, it's gonna sting down south
dip your sock in vodka, ooooo, eeeeeeee
dip your sock in vodka, if it burns when you pee

(change)

i wake up each morning with a jimmy in my hand
knowing i'll be next to you, i want to be your man
you walk around on legs made out of tight-rolled benjamins
pretty, money, pretty, money, pretty-pretty, money-money
diamond covered shins

i don't want no drama
please be my golden-glittered-gammy sugar mama

danke, ivanka
for letting me put my hand on your kneecap

thank ya, ivanka
for making me feel like a heterosexual man.